Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
her vagine was all disorganized.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
