apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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