Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
