Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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