first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
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