I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
