Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
