Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
