I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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