I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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