That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
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