I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
