I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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