dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Everyone says I win the strip club
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
How does one acquire holy water?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
