Only a mothe r could love this liver
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
You have to summon your inner elephant
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
