So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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