i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
