I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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