I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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