remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
