be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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