meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
