i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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