hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
