he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
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