Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
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It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
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