got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
