its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
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