I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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