My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
