Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
