i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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