my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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