i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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