she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
don't judge my taste in strippers
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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