he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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