You're my little dorito
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
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