Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
