Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
it's like iHOP with fire
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
