There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Why is there bacon in the couch?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize