Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
