She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
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5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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