had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
