I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Randomize
