At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
