I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
