Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
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