Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
smell my finger.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
