he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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