mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
there is puke in my bra ... again
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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