I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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