She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Randomize
