Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
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