sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
