I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
You ate ashes out of my bong
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
