my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
