This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
