So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
