If i could tip my vagina, i would.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
