There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
