In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
