I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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