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Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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