He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
It was a blind-side dick pic.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
