I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
