We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
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