I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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