I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
they call him Oral-B. enough said
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
