When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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