I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
