the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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