This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
