so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
