its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
