my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
