Small penises have feelings too.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Randomize
