the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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