Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
that's an acceptable place to lick
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
