my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
