It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize