My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
