the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
