We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
