I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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