the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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