I'm so fucking centered right now
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
