Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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