I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
